Things I am most afraid of

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

               Fear (verb): he fears heights: have a phobia about, have a  
                                    horror of, take fright at.


I am afraid of a number of things, normal little girly things - spiders, insects, bigger things like losing my job, failure etc.

But I have a real, paralysing fear of the dark. And being alone. Being alone in the dark is just the pinnacle. I die every time.

For example, last week Flip had to fly to Cape Town for business and a funeral. I couldn't deal. It was only three days, two nights, but I skipped bootcamp so I can be home before dark;
all the lights in the house were switched on, I slept with the corridor light on and the door open just a bit so that I wasn't completely alone in the dark. 

It might be an irrational fear by far, but Achluophobia is very much with me.
I always feel like someone is watching me; I start to hear things, smell things, see things. I'm borderline asylum-patient when I'm alone in the dark.
Every little noise made outside, by the wind blowing or a car driving past our house woke me up.
Also, I live in an old house with wooden floors - can you imagine the horror that rushed over me every time a floor board creaked?

I knew that I wouldn't deal with being alone two nights in a row; and thinking back, I have no idea how I survived varsity and the first year in Johannesburg on my own, so I went to my parents and slept over at theirs.

I'm fine with being in the dark if the tv is on and if there are people around me, but being alone in pitch black? The absolute death of me.

I'm pretty sure my utter love for thrillers as a young child has contributed to this fear and I can think of two particular movies that could have instilled it:

IT (yes, Pennywise the Clown) &
Darkness Falls. That shit is scary!
Also, Paranormal Activity might have chiseled at my phobia as an adult.

Also, my other phobias include altophobia and agoraphobia - the fear of heights and the fear of open space, or crowded places, respectively.
I can deal with my agoraphobia, that isn't too bad, but my fear of heights is also stupidly paralysing. I cannot even stand on the second step of a ladder. It makes me want to cry.

This fear came from falling out of a 7 m lookout point on a game farm when I was 7 years old. Heights aint your friend.

I think the fear of dying, or losing a loved one is silly, we are all going to die - it's the circle of life. 

Just for kicks. Did you know that anatidaephobia - the fear that somewhere, somehow a duck is watching you is not a real fear? Nope. It's fictional. Or is it?


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*Photos via We Heart It
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6 comments:

Caley-Jade Rosenberg said...

Haha, this duck story made me laugh!! Fears are serious things, wowsers! x

Ragan said...

This is too funny! Although I agree....being afraid of the dark is definitely I struggle with too. New follower here, I am in love with your blog!

Adrienne @ BlackWhiteColor said...

I hate the dark too! There's just something about the dark that prompts all kinds of scary thoughts

Elizabeth said...

Found you via SOML.

Ok. I feel like I wrote this! It's because of all the thrillers I watched growing up that I'm afraid of the dark. When I'm alone at night, I shut all of the shades, because I have this fear that someone is watching me.

I live in the country too. Do you know what movie I shouldn't have watched? The Strangers. Terrible idea. Now I'm paranoid that something like that is going to happen.

Cute blog, by the way!

helen said...

hahahha aw, good thing you're not afraid of ducks!! :)

Leanne Van Breda said...

Just found your blog on Across the Pond! So lovely to find other South African bloggers. It's been so good to look through your older posts.

Would love you to stop by sometime

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