{Guest post} Anja talks about dogs

And now for something completely different.

Thank you Monty Python for the introduction to this post. I only find it apt that a group of comedic geniuses introduce one of the funniest people on twitter at the moment: Anja Wintour aka Anja van der Spuy; aka that crazy ..... {fill in the blank} She's hot, likes leopard print and jeans. And she's obsessed with dogs, like moi. So I let her write a post about them, because who doesn't want to read about dogs? No one. That's who.

This is her, of course you want to read on.

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All animals go to heaven

I remember watching My Dog Skip when I was a little girl and hoping that my dog would never die. It's funny, we all know that our loved ones will one day leave us, but we often forget that our pets are here for a very short period of our lives.

I went through 14 blissful years without thinking that my dog would ever die. We had a few scares - our dog was a reckless rockstar who pretty much YOLOd his way through life. He once drank a puddle of car oil. I'm not even kidding. He didn't give a shit about his health. He just wanted to have a good time and if that involved consuming flammable substances, then so be it.

His death shook me up very badly. I had known him for 14 years - that's more than half my life. It's been more than a month and I still miss him every day. He was the best childhood friend I could've asked for. Even though he wrecked 80% of my underwear as a puppy, and often did a number 2 under my bed, I loved him unconditionally.

But that's a story for another day.

I'm here to talk about my crazy stupid love for animals.

I'm a total animalholic. I can't go through a single day without Googling images of cats and pugs. I sometimes sit in my room and laugh at random animal videos instead of doing something productive like writing a blog post about how much I love animals. WUT?

                                      This Jenna Marbles video made me laugh FOREVER.

                                              WHAT ARE THIS? How genius is that?

Anyway, everybody knows that I'm a total Internet stalker. I stalk my crushes all the time - across all social media platforms. What they don't know, however, is that I'm also a pet stalker.

Yes. I stalk people's pets.

My favourite pets to stalk are:

Suzani's dog, Wolf:

Shane's cat, Tony Danza: (Who gets really high on catnip all the time)

And Chicara's chihuaha:

I know I'm going to die alone. OR I'M GOING TO DIE IN THE ARMS OF LABRADOR.
Seriously though, animals are the best thing that ever happened to this world and if you don't agree:

My one friend's mom once told us that we should always look at the way dogs respond to the guys we're into. If they bark and run away; serial killer. If they lick his hand affectionately; trouman.

This wisdom is obviously wasted on me because I'm going to marry a leopard, but I thought that I should share it with you ladies.

I love all animals (except sting rays and horses), and I can't imagine a life without them. My dog taught me how to love unconditionally, to care more about another being than yourself and how to detect a poo under your bed before it turns white.

I wouldn't trade that for anything.